She plays a role. She’s the quiet girl aiming to reach large audiences, the poser modelling in silk clothing; the sad girl pouring her heart in poetry. A girl addicted to men with power, a girl still believing she’s Cinderella in waiting – a girl who always manages to experience the craziest nights on the chance she does go out. Establishing an alter ego personality, may seem natural to the women who hide aspects of who they are.
Waiting in the wings
Her and her friend – let’s call him John, discussed online dating apps. “Who cares if somebody you know sees you on there, everybody uses them”. John had a point – the mid 2000’s dread of looking desperate for signing up for online dating has disappeared. Now it’s about cancelling out users seeking casual sex. After their 5-minute pep talk, a dating app downloaded to reveal a selection of swipe left matches.
Most men chose selfie images for their profiles, complete with bathroom sinks, toilets and TV screens in the background.
“Why did you choose that app? That’s a hook up app – only people looking for sex go on there”. John has a tendency to snoop and stay up-to-date with millennial insight. The app didn’t scream Tinder, but maybe the objects behind the selfie photos revealed potential fetish? Why is it so easy to find a connection on a week’s holiday yet near impossible to track down intrigue somewhere local to your front door?
John is a friend who puts reality in perspective. No astrology guidance, no Disney optimism – he tells it straight and applauds women who go for what they want sexually without apology. That’s something she needs when her best female friend concludes: her ex is like a twin flame who is her other half she’s not meant to end up with. Not even Candace Bushnell stayed with Mr. Big – her 90’s “Sex and the City” column used the pseudonym Carrie to hide her dating life from her parents.
Can someone bring out the best and worst, or another side of the truth?
In desperation to shed her innocent, boring image, she booked a shoot at a photographer’s studio – his unkept house contained layers of cabinet dust and a bathroom needing sanitiser. In her presence, the photographer hoovered the floor, scraped the wood and put up a black canvas for images. One set required lying on the floor, looking up confidently at the camera while nude thongs flashed at the lens. The sexy alter ego personality dwindled on the train ride home.
On holiday, she agreed to feeling high; stumbling drunk in the AM. In relationships, an unnatural urge for passion; followed by overthinking and absolute agreement. She wasn’t herself on dates – more reserved, more agreeable. At work, she faked interest in conversations across laptop screens. Humans by nature like to adapt, yet some accommodate more than others. Do you create a new character in uncomfortable situations, or do you set free a trapped side of you?
Who’s to say what ego you take on. How comfortable you feel varies with who you’re with. There are always moments of laughter you can’t recreate with someone else. When you miss an ex and relay a past memory – do you really miss them and the way they make you feel? Doesn’t some sentiment involve a wish to keep the personality they brought out of you? An alter ego personality – it’s the ability to feel completely free and true to yourself. No worry, no fear; you’re flying through crowds unglued to self-restraint.
Ying and yang
Beyonce’s “Sasha Fierce” gave her hope. What if you didn’t have to change yourself – what if everything you’ve admired in others is simply stirring in your brain with a lid on, and just needs opening? What if it’s more than confidence? An alter ego personality usually portrays opposition. Celebrities take on eccentric costume on stage – everyone else applies glamour and alcohol to relax and enjoy themselves without fear’s restriction.
One alter ego personality saves your brain when self-doubt enters the picture. The hardest part of having – figuring which one is most like you. Any more than one, and who you are vanishes in puzzlement. For now, her dating apps remain unopened – a role she’s not ready to play.
Do you have an alter ego personality?