One of the greatest things about attending PR events are the goody bag offerings received once leaving. Though I’ve yet to attend a party where I’m given luxury holidays and personal training sessions – still waiting to receive an Oscar nomination, I’ll never say no to beauty and health products. Surprisingly last year, a bag contained a book – matchmaking tips by dating agency Seventy Thirty. Amongst cliché advice, a section stating how difficult it is to find love in the city.
Too much choice?
The book written by agency owner Susie Ambrose, suggests it’s “much easier to find a partner in a smaller community” where people are more-likely to share similar values, than in cities like London covered in numerous choices. “there are many potentially compatible partners for each person, but the problem is that they are often hidden in a huge pool of incompatible people”.
From my brief experience online dating, the number of men in London, Birmingham and Manchester etc, double the variety of lonesome hearts in towns and small counties. Technology has bestowed a heap of possibilities. We can order virtually any takeaway, Amazon same-day delivery and book a holiday without leaving our seats. It’s argued millennials growing up with these options have become the instant gratification generation.
My blog post above explores this phenomenon. Motivational speaker Simon Sinek spoke of how technology has helped create a demand to instantly want something hassle free. Society has found itself addicted to phones and heading online to receive fast praise. Our need for speed has translated over to relationships.
Judging too harshly
Why continue to date a person an inch too short for personal taste, when there’s a variety of other people? This is a mentality stopping people particularly in cities from developing relationships. To find love in a place filled with singletons seems easy. But as Lindsay Dodgson writing for Business Insider discusses, while we “consider variety as a good thing, at the same time, it makes our decisions more challenging.”
Many await perfection. Perhaps this is due to dating apps offering precise tick-boxing. Controversially, Smoochr – a dating site classifying themselves as “black online dating”, allows users to filter skin tones. The New York Post reveals the company “describes complexions like Starbucks flavors”. Dating sites in general supply ongoing options. You can search for a partner who works in a uniform, only look for “beautiful people” and join a site based on religion. Click on Tindr and you’re ideal is purely aesthetic.
There’s more assumption in cities; a belief someone else is always around the corner. A “New York state of mind”. SATC made us think locations like New York are brimming with attractive, intelligent men, ready to date weekly until a Mr. Big or Harry finds themselves on our doorstep. Though I’ve not travelled to NY, those living in the Big Apple have spoken of disappointment. Sentiments shared in my near proximity to London.
How to find love in a city
From the research above, the obvious answer is to give more potential dates a fair chance before assuming another nearby. The Inquirer published a piece last month revealing how cities with “preserved history”, “walkable lively streets” and “quiet escapes” are perfect to encourage love. Paris and Venice for example, are romantic destinations because they feature stunning attractions couples can enjoy together.
If you want sparks to fly on a first date, it’s wise to consider enchanting spots like peaceful parks and stunning heritage sites as oppose to a bar or restaurant. For daters preferring to eat, meeting at a location which requires a stroll through vibrant street to reach a restaurant may boost the date. The Inquirer article proposes mood enhancing activities like walking, put you in a better mood which I believe in turn, makes you more open to enjoying a date.
To find a partner in a city without online dating, the trick is to simply socialise. The book Seventy Thirty notes that “single people do go out a lot” but “they tend to stay with their friends rather than mingling with people they don’t know”. I think the rise of feminism and equality is leaving men unsure whether to approach women. Women themselves ponder if it’s okay to approach men. Thus leading to a lack of conversation. So if you see someone you like, don’t be afraid to say hi.
How easy have you found it to find love in a city? Question for today – Does love still need marriage?