I snuck a copy of my sister’s borrowed book on dating rules women should abide by to my room. I analysed the pages like a child pressing the paper of a wrapped-up Christmas present. Did this book hold the key to everlasting love, or was it a bad sales pitch to further control women on how to behave? Is relationship advice ever worth listening to?
My ghosting past
My friends told me not to text. I felt like a scolded dog moping towards its owner, as I confessed my singledom sin. Not only did I text, I texted twice. My name spread over my WhatsApp screen; my words swallowed his pitiful responses. Days went by; months blossomed from winter to spring. He vanished from my hurtful memory, until a casual message appeared.
‘Aha’ I thought. This guy has me in some optional box. He’s looking for boastful compliments and admiration. My embarrassing ‘what to do when a guy ghosts’ Google search inspired me, and I proceeded to respond back to him, with the careless grace of a lost feather.
The thing with modern dating – Sex and the City has no clue. We’re in a digital age without manuscripts on how to act as digital beings. We’re not programmed to consider ourselves as a mere potential or a bad swipe. In the rat race to cheap sex and quick love, is our judgement still enough?
One’s sadness is another’s comfort
We always say we give the perfect relationship advice, though we choose to not take it ourselves. Romance is a chemical imbalance sparking at our senses. Even the most organised and rational human, will fail to not let their heart dictate their frazzled head. Despite this knowledge, I’m a gushy fool who spiritedly prances to fairy-tale, ever-lasting love notions.
I crave old-school manners; I delight in a man who holds the door open and helps me get out of a black cab, without me soberly ducking and clutching to the vehicle incase I trip. When I pictured my future husband, I imagined a handsome guy who visits all kinds of places with me by their side. I didn’t quite envision a relationship with a man so busy, he can barely find enough time to sit down after work, let alone spend time as a couple.
My circumstances are not for everyone. I also believe my partner doesn’t think, react or live like most men do. Him getting on a plane is not a yearly event, it’s a weekly work situation. As you read these words, how many excuses did you believe I made, on a situation I’ve not fully revealed details of?
As women become one half of a couple, we have to try to figure out, how normal our partner is in a world of terrible dating behavior. Trying to decide if our man or woman truly does like us, often leads to excuses to cover any mishap actions. To me however, rather than making up excuses and checking sources to measure our partner’s feelings, we should simply live, learn and follow instinct.
Maybe women are fine, just like men
A quick Google search conveys how easily heterosexual women are targeted and encouraged to change for men. Typing in ‘dating books for women’, I’m led to countless suggestions from ‘What you need to know about the inner lives of men’, to simply ‘The Rules’. With guys on the other hand, there are ‘Top secrets to approaching a woman, seducing her, and taking her on a date or getting her into bed’ and ‘How to date older women’.
Aren’t we just as clueless as one another when it comes to relationship advice? A joyful couple doesn’t mean a knowledgeable dating guru. Whatever your sex, the ultimate conclusion is that relationship advice is about whatever feels good to you. Sometimes, you don’t care about something, till your told you’re suppose to.
Maybe your friends and family are right, or maybe they just don’t understand. Either way, a relationship is between two people, and their thoughts are stronger than all other opinion.
How do you feel about relationship advice? Do you feel you give a lot to friends, or do you like hearing it? I’m curious which side you are on.