We were sitting there outside with our cocktails on the table. The Ibiza sunset was beautiful enough to make a villain stop and think. I asked my sister what age she’s been happiest. She replied, “My age now”. Before she could ask me, a gut feeling wrenched my stomach, as I realised I had no clue. Did happiness mean in life or myself? Is happiness a part of a self-love definition?
The words are surly intertwining. Self-love and happiness – is self-love needed for happiness, or can we dislike ourselves and love the world?
My life has never had one smooth river. It’s been splashes, waves and cracks all streaming down to one sea. Occasionally, when the sun shines and the tides break down, there’s an open beam of bliss.
A self-love definition is hard to distinguish. This buzzword floating through social-media – how do you actually implement?
Because a bath is nice, and getting my nails done makes me feel as glamorous as Brigitte Bardot on the set of And God Created Women – if only! But these pampering activities are short-lived and non-existent steps.
If you are running – you are forever building up to a goal. How much further can you progress with nails? Do you keep adding on extras at your local salon, until you are cash-strapped and at home with a bottle of water and a Netflix binge?
The Dictionary defines self-love as “regard for one’s own well-being and happiness”.
Happiness is not where you are heading
We try to find contentment by looking for it. Using tasks that we believe may inch us closer to inner zen and peace.
An article on tinybuddha.com suggests “happiness and self-love are not rewards for completing our goals. They are necessary foundations for pursuing”.
Meaning, you have to like yourself enough first to have the desire to achieve.
A self-love prescription
Psychology Today has published a seven-step prescription to find your inside love-bug. It does mention self-care, so perhaps I shouldn’t be quick to disregard nail appointments.
I find that when you’re overcome with insecurity and ready to pounce on your innocent heart, that’s when you think about a self-love definition.
That’s the moment you find your strength and look for the good within you. Before you tell yourself that you’re a failure, you won’t complete your goals and your split-ends shimmer too much in the sun (just me?), dig-deep and focus on the good.
Open up your notebook and write that list. If you struggle, ask your friends.
Self-love is when your life is important alone
In our digital horizon, we’re being taught that events are significant if captured. Have you ever run out of battery or forgot to take a snap? Did it affect the way you felt at a given moment?
I’ve had a few incredible times where I ponder – how much better if I photographed? Regardless of if I can recall the time in my memory so vividly, I want photos. And not always for my indulgence.
There’s a need to show others. To let the capture become somehow infamous – yes, just to a handful of people.
If you can live freely to make your own decisions purely for you – you are feeding your body sole nourishment. Maybe that’s the real self-love definition – it’s about being your own self-applause. Being the person to cheer the loudest and lift you up when your life goes on.
It’s a hard battle, and one that you will probably battle for a lifetime – in hopefully lesser degrees.
I think happiness can flourish without self-love, in the same way that you can love another and not love yourself. Though the best of both is the ultimate combination. The more self-love – the more flourishing happiness.
What’s your self-love definition? Have you achieved or are you still searching?
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