Sometimes the best way to solve a problem is to just stop caring
After a three-hour drive to Sheffield – somehow a travel bag and a travel suitcase were both needed for a three night stay, I informed my relatives of my modelling shoot, taking place 20 minutes away from their house. I come from a very sarcastic family and we laugh at each other – light-heartedly; we find humour in what we do. It’s given me the ability to not take life too seriously.
So of course they cracked a joke when I explained I was shooting with a photographer in a botanical garden for my blog. There was a serious question however, of if I get embarrassed posing in front of a potential crowd. When I decided to try out modelling, I liked the idea of high quality images for my Instagram . My modelling agency sent me to a photography studio to receive professional photos.
I remember standing in front of the camera with absolutely no idea of what to do. The cameraman told me exactly how to position my mouth, hands and body in every single frame.
The next couple of shoots were one-on-one in either studios or secluded areas. Although I was always nervous – constantly thinking: “I’m not a model and maybe he’s realised I’m a bad choice”, eventually shooting became fun. Then came the moment I had to pose in front of a crowd. My photographer was completely serious. He had no time for me to prance around nervous or shyly wait for people to walk past. During the shoot I tensed up in anguish – the worst being when a couple decided to stop and watch.
Why I chose to stop caring and let go of my fears; I grasped that there was nothing to fear. It doesn’t matter what any person walking by thinks, whether they like my outfit or believe my angling is strange. The task at hand is in creating images which none of them have an actual say in.
Have you ever gone out too casual or too dressed up?
I grew up admiring glamorous Old Hollywood legends. I have always liked dressing up and dislike the idea of changing my outfit to please whoever decides to dress different. Not that I would turn up to a funeral in glitter or attempt to upstage a bride. But even when I wear trainers, I’ll probably adorn a smokey eye or a red lip. It’s just how I am, yet I’ve had to clarify and almost apologise numerously.
My true beauty experimentation happened in college. I was the only girl in my year wearing a red lip – a dark, blood-stained colour. Despite that I wore minimal makeup otherwise and plenty of girls were completely covered in a Mac stand of eyeshadow, I was the one that would be criticised.
“Why do you wear red in college?”
“Who are you trying to impress?”
Instead of trying to muster a dignified answer, I should have responded ‘maybe you should stop caring’ . Self-love is my term of 2017, plastered across social media – my blog included. I think that there are two sides to focus on.
The first – accepting yourself
The second – not accepting people’s judgments
Sometimes you can have all the confidence in the world. You love your outfit, you’re having a good hair day and you’ve set about to achieve all your tasks at hand. Until a person informs you that your outfit is a bit weird or you’re setting your standards too high. So you might listen – it’s not always bad and I appreciate my friends looking out for me. On the other hand, what if that one view alters your entire perception? It’s so hard to disregard a response you don’t like.
You should stop caring
From my own deep analysis, I’ve realised the significance I placed upon people’s thoughts represented how little I trusted my own. With social-media a daily part of our lives, you almost question your online and offline persona; creating two factors of worry.
Just before waving goodbye to my old blog Lauzies Lifestyle, I posted a survey to try to figure how to edit my newly self-hosted site. One comment I received criticised my bikini images taken from my holiday in Ibiza. They were giving me their honest view and I couldn’t be mad as I did request feedback. Be that as it may, it did kind of shock me. It felt like all my effort to reveal my true self was diminished by a few holiday snaps.
Suddenly I was looking too shallow. It led me to question how much should you stop caring? Don’t you have to care somewhat?
I concluded that no, when it comes to listening to what goes against you, why should you take that on board? Am I a bad person for wearing a top too smart or posting a photo of my body? You don’t have to like it; in fact you can hate it. It’s trivial and it’s small. We all have ‘standards’ and concepts of how our exterior must be presented.
There are celebrities who in my opinion, try too hard to be shocking or draw attention. I’m not going to be mad about it. I’m going to live my life and do what’s right for me. For the genuine few who have my best interests at heart, their honesty is always welcome. For the others who don’t know me or judge too quickly; I’m going to just do me and stop caring.
How much do opinions affect you?
Photography by Shehan Fernando