The claim women hate other women is blunt and unapologetic. I felt an urge to write a disclaimer; I can hear the words of my female readers, fiercely declaring that they do not hate other women. And yet, this title has provoked interest, because we know that for some females out there, this is true.
Do we blame society and our competitive culture? How we consistently compare the beauty in friendship groups and lay the options out for girls before they have had a chance to think. I am not a ‘male-basher’ and know that each gender has their own issues, but women seem to be pigeon-holed.
Every life path we choose will somehow anger the mind of another. If you decide to not have children because you want to solely focus on your career – you are selfish. If you do decide to give up your career – you will be vicariously living through your children – a bored housewife who finds excitement through “mummy porn”. And if you strive to have a career and kids – you will spend your life on an unstable balance – women can never have it all.
Show too much skin, sleep with one too many men; dance at night as your peers are at home with the telly; expect to be judged. Whilst I am certain that guys criticise and evaluate, I have never felt their hatred, simply for deciding to do what I wanted.
When women hate begins
I believe it is created from the moment that you arrive at your first day at school. Ashamedly, being mean about another girl is a form of bonding. I can recall evaluating with my BFF, girls who were not like us. Through our bullying conversations, our friendship grew stronger.
Is that not how most popular kids in high-school reach their status? By joining in a clique together, they can emphasise their worth whilst demeaning everyone else who does not belong. They can make women feel inferior; asking what do they have that I don’t?
Taylor Swift’s gang is the most famous. When Kim Kardashian released the tapes of her, did her crew rally round in support however? Their unity appears to have gone silent, though we will not know the full reality. Popularity is applauded, despite the harsh truth that it does not always form from being incredibly nice and confident.
How women hate develops
It starts as pure judgement; your top is a little too low or your personality is too eccentric. They feel envious; they want to steal your hair and rob you of your clothes. It either ends there and they carry on with their lives – thoughts secretly circling, or they pursue to attack. This can be done by bitching to their companions or outright aiming to sabotage.
Why do women hate other women?
According to Noah Shpancer, female competition is “a part of genetic hardware”. I would presume a huge factor is insecurity. I truly go by the notion that happy people – people who are comfortable in their own skin, do not feel the need to waste their time scrutinising with their opinions. When women feel jealous, they compete, admire or judge.
An ex friend of mine was quite content with me and my low-self esteem. Not that I thought it was her job to help, be that as it may, it was certainly not her role to make me feel worse. Catty remarks and hidden put-downs; she said how men desire women with clear skin like hers, as I stood opposite listening – me and my acne-ridden face.
When my skin improved and my confidence spurred, she stepped into a magical ring with me as her opponent. She tried to out-do what I did; pull the men who I fancied, emulate the makeup I was creating and reach further than me in our careers. There was a need to forever boast about her whereabouts.
The world of social-media does not assist women in learning to accept who they are. Not only do we deal with the daily pressures of competition in our social-circles, we compete with women who are global. I think we are slowly growing into a culture that reflects away admittance. Instead of acknowledging why we are not content and striving towards our goals, we can take the easy route of being negative at people who have what we want.
Is the idea of women supporting one another natural? My mother raised me to know that boys could one day break my heart, yet she never said that the girls I told everything to, would eventually cause me to lose my trust. As women grow through their teenage years, they are taught that female empowerment contains negative connotations. Whether they are the one’s who hide hatred inside or whether they have been the victims.
At times I have wanted to hate back. How I wish I could inflict similar mindless pain, to all those who selfishlessly put their issues onto me. Nevertheless, when do people hate for no reason? I occasionally wonder if the women who hate other women, can actually control their behavior. What happened to them that made them want to be cruel to someone so innocent?
Ultimately, society and Hollywood will not change their advertising displays. There will always be an ‘ideal’ woman – a woman who only a percentage will be able to relate too. This will always cause a group of females to have a mind which tells them that they are not good enough.
And although we cannot edit our landscape, we can educate our systems. We have to take steps to place value on ourselves. Women hate other women for insecurity, jealousy or disagreement – that is not a reputable excuse.