He was never going to be my boyfriend. Apart from the situation of us living halfway around the world from one another, we barely had much in common. He was an artist and very handsome. He had emerald eyes and a smile that made me blush. We never pretended to be anything but real. No exchanges of numbers, no romantic promises. It was nothing more than a holiday fling.
We had a passionate kiss which entailed him pushing me against a wall followed by a night of laughter. I cannot recall the jokes, although I certainly remember our moment. And on the rarest of occasions, sometimes when I walk or look admiringly at the sky, I wonder if he ever thinks of me too. Am I completely forgotten or can he focus long enough to carve out my face?
For all I know, he might not be alive. He could be married or living in a completely different location. I have no proof; nothing except for an American dollar which fell from his jean pocket. Now tucked away in a memory box filled with various memorabilia.
Life has a funny way of introducing you to people. My first best friend moved to Brazil when I was 5. We saw each other once more on a visit she took back to England aged 8, and then she was gone forever. My next best friend moved away the following year, then another the year after that. I lost my see-saw companions and started junior school without a best friend to see me through.
I thought about them immensely. The one I did contact again as a teenager, appears to be a character from another novel. We are too unique to even both be described as unique.
I have a book of life with a large handful of contributors. Every single one, every single individual has shaped me into who I am today. The people I connected with rather promptly, make up for the sorrow of farewell from the people who associated with me through many of my life’s chapters.
My holiday romances were necessary. The unknown name – the man who took me out to dinner on the Miami Seafront, who also danced with me when my friend only wanted to sit; the man who did not attempt to sleep with me and who enjoyed my company enough to suffice with a hug goodbye; he shaped me.
My ex partners were necessary. The ones who made me rush to my phone on every single lunch break and made me feel free. The one who left me tongue-tied and so blissfully happy that I had somewhat forgotten what sadness was. They shaped me.
And my friends; the ones who had me up till 4am snacking on popcorn during a sleepover, the ones who played Polly Pockets with me and the ones who sat outside and discussed life. Our hopes and dreams shared, all planned as naïve teenagers. Not forgetting of course, the friends who took me on their wild adventures, the ones who invited me on their journeys and welcomed me into their sacred lives, immeasurably they have shaped me.
I know they say you should always spend time on the here and now; well I am still the here and now from 25 years ago. And they are still them and we are still we. Maybe I am a new person. My opinions, desires and goals have certainly changed. I still laugh too loud however; I have a “hearty” laugh which never goes unnoticed.
I am continuously sensitive, I have yet to understand the pleasure of corn on the cob and when I feel down, I put on Cinderella, The Parent Trap (1998) or Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Classics which helped me diminish my pain as a child.
Whilst the truth can be argued, some truths vary for every soul. Nobody can take your feelings away from you. It is irrelevant if the artist I met reminisces over our evening. It is irrelevant if my exes miss me to this day. Their behaviour since we parted is no longer for me to contempt.
Our lives are our memories. Subsequent to any type of leaving, I place my views secondary, from pondering about the other. But the truth is – my views are permanent. I need to fixate on learning to not be angry regarding who I cannot get over, and joyful of what little good each person has granted me, whether they hurt me too.
I need to be okay with the revelation that my story could be different from the casts included. If someone breaks my heart, it is not about the analysis of it was real from the beginning. It is about allowing those previous events to be what they were. Not to tangle them up and throw them out with scorn.
Every person I become close to is a soulmate – “a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner”. Perhaps they are for a day, week, month or year. My closest best friend will naturally be substanially above a friend from many moons ago. Though if I picture my life now, as much as I believe that some are pointless or not worthy of such a title, I also know that without the tears, fights and love collectively, I would not be me.
And if I cannot be me without them, than surly in some ways our souls were suppose to meet. And for a flicker of a minute, they were supposed to be mates.
What is your opinion on soulmates? Do you believe in just one?
The topic of soulmates was inspired by Chloe and her “I got my fourth tattoo” post. Reading it affected me profoundly and so I highly recommend that you check it out and be sure to follow.
Luv the pictures, very nice !!!
Thank you!!
I’ve never really thought about what I think of the term ‘soulmate’.
I think the general idea is that a soulmate is somebody who you feel an instant and strong connection to, and somebody who understands you and makes you feel like you’re not alone. I would like to think that my current partner is my soulmate 🙂 He makes me very happy, because I feel he understands me in a way that nobody else possibly could – we have a very deep connection!
I think a person CAN potentially have more than one soulmate, but that it doesn’t often occur simultaneously. I don’t know, sometimes I go through phases where I feel so connected with the world that I think everyone is my soulmate! I think that maybe any person has the POTENTIAL to be your soulmate, and that some people may have once been your soulmate, but that a person only usually has one current soulmate (if any,) if that makes any sense? All I know is that if I need somebody to just be purely myself around, I only feel fully comfortable doing that around my partner.
Lovely post! x
Thank you!
I completely understand what you are saying and I think it is lovely that you have a partner who you feel is your soulmate.
I do think that in terms of romance, you generally have one current soulmate but that anybody could have been one previously. So your teenage self could have had a different soulmate.
This was interesting to read and I like knowing how varied people’s opinions are. Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a detailed response. x
Oh my uncrowned queen of WRITING…your feelings cracked me up and I absolutely agree with your words….I just love your posts❣❣
Thank you once more! I should deserve a crown for my writing right!! A girl can dream.
I was in so much awe while reading this – so beautifully written and profound. You’re a very talented writer and I loved hearing your perspective on soulmates, something that is beyond the understanding of many. And I can definitely agree with what you’re saying and think that every person that comes in to our lives does so for a reason, and think that the term ‘soulmate’ doesn’t have a time frame attached to it – it’s so much more about how you feel in the moment.. Thank you for sharing this Xx
Thank you Maria!! I love that you mentioned time because I think many people worry that a soulmate must appear in their twenties or thirties.
This is such a lovely comment and it means everything! Xx
Every single one, every single individual has shaped me into who I am today.
Whilst the truth can be argued, some truths vary for every soul.
Our lives are our memories …this whole para
And the next para
our souls were suppose to meet. And for a flicker of a minute, they were supposed to be mates – Bravo!!
These statements reflect an amazing understanding of our human journeys together and as we intersect. I am in absolute agreement with you and love your writings adorably.
Your post brings me some lines from a poem of my mine in the past …I am not recollecting the name now …I didn’t mention soulmates though. I will try to dig it out and maybe reblog it 🙂
Keep writing from your heart my friend. I am thrilled to find the topics you are touching upon!
I probably say thank you to you everyday, but each time I say it, I truly mean it. So thank you!!
If you can find it, definitely reblog because I would love to read it. I found this post really straightforward to write because the topic is so dear to me, so I want to keep these types of posts going.
All my pleasure …my responses come from your posts truly bringing them from my heart 🙂
They enter our lives to make us fall in love with ourselves, see the goodness in us, know our worth and make peace with our flaws. There are many soulmates it can be a mother, a friend or anyone as long as they are able to touch and move your soul. Beautiful post!!
Thank you! I really like how you summarised. “As long as they are able to touch and move your soul”.
This is really true. It can be anyone and sometimes your most deepest soulmates are the ones you least expect.
I read this and fell in love with every piece of it, and then I saw your note at the end. Thank you so much, I’m honoured that I could inspire you in some way to write this post. I used to think we only ever had one soul mate, because I’d only ever viewed it as a romantic thing – one person on the Earth that was made for us, and us them. After my best friend passed, I realised she was my soul mate in a different way, thus leading me to explore the idea (and fact) that we can have many soul mates, platonic or romantic. Some people were just made for us, they were made to come into our lives and change us, our paths were supposed to cross and intertwine, the universe made it so. This was such a beautiful post as always and I love your interpretation of soul mates, because I agree .xx
Thank you girl!!
I used to think the exact same way! Hollywood kind of teaches us that there is this one person out there who will make us feel complete.
I am really happy that you loved reading. When I read yours, it made me think so much about life in general. I am still in the phase of getting completely over my ex and the term soulmate just resonated with me. All these memories started appearing in my mind.
I believe that the universe brings people to us for a reason as well and that each person serves a purpose of some sort. xxx