When it comes to self-love and self-confidence, people often assume it’s about hating your physical appearance. No one tends to wonder whether you love your personality. For me, as much as I grew up wanting to change just about everything – my out of proportion arms, big hips, fine hair – my real insecurity bubbled around my identity. But there are ways to learn how to love yourself and be more confident.
Why is it difficult to appreciate and love your personality?
As a teenager, I figured I was an introvert. My mother and sister are both remarkably opposite – they didn’t know quite what to do with me. I use to follow my sister at parties and gatherings, sitting quietly like a garden statue while she held conversation. Desperately I’d try to think of something similarly interesting to say. On the chance I did, only a murmur of sound nervously slithered out my mouth. I became use to people not hearing my opinion.
Society idolises outspoken, confident individuals. In school, it’s the chattery kids who perform at school plays and lead class assemblies. Quietness is linked to introversion which as this Medium piece explains, isn’t embraced in a world telling you to be a “people person”. Admittedly, I flock towards bold characters. Any man with the charisma of a Hollywood blockbuster and an ease to gather a crowd is highly attractive in my books. I have always dated men who can flourish beside others. It’s a protective barrier – someone to make a noise when I’m unable.
I’ve grown up aware that popularity and qualities like leadership link to extroversion. For the most part, friends describe me as lively (I’m not actually sure – I haven’t asked them), yet acquaintances probably summarise me as demure. You could say mysterious – that word makes quiet appear interesting and sultry.
Dealing with low self-esteem and low self-confidence
To deal with my low-self esteem, I chose to modifying my looks. Next to dying my hair and buying cosmetics, I was continually adapting my diet. And that was easier than dealing with my inner turmoil. You can’t dye your personality or edit your brain’s wardrobe on a shopping trip.
I lost years of opportunity to grasp who I was due to my attempts at winning people over. Psychology Today explain this issue – many of us try to live up to expectations set by those around us, consequently not contemplating our own feelings. After years of adapting, I eventually began to unearth my true self. There’s no fixed procedure on how to love your personality and be more confident, but I’m sharing various steps that have worked wonders.
To love your personality, step out of your comfort zone
This year I faced my biggest “please don’t make me do this” battle. Standing in front of a group of strangers, I read my poetry aloud. The act of public speaking has terrified me since preparing for school “show and tell”. Now I feel better equipped and have continue to speak at events. Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone will make you realise your full capabilities.
Research similar successful and happy people to feel fine
It’s a huge sense of relief to find people you admire with similar personality traits. When someone has a matching characterisitic, and you see them thriving, it’s acknowledgement that your insecurities don’t have to hold you back either.
Travel to discover more diverse attitudes
You don’t have to travel abroad. Visiting new areas and locations can introduce you to a wider variety of attitudes. In my small town, I never fitted in. People cast me with the same child ideologies I tried to escape from. When I began working in London, I realised I wasn’t as quiet as I assumed. A simple train journey helped me realise all my great habits and traits.
Be selfish with your goals
You have to have your own set of goals that are entirely your’s alone. I think this came easy to me because I’ve spent most of my life single. Getting myself in shape and blogging for example, are personal pursuits and activities which belong to no one else. Taking on a challenge you can achieve creates immense satisfaction. The importance of achieving your goals is clarified in this piece by Health Status.
Laugh at your flaws
The best kind of medicine. Everyone has “flaws”, so why not confidently flaunt them? I love sarcasm but like Chandler from Friends, I can’t handle others using it against me. I always joke about this point, it’s just who I am. Embracing myself means accepting my less admirable qualities.
For the ultimate guide on how to love your physical flaws, make sure you read: How to Accept Your Physical Flaws.
To love your personality, do whatever you can
Often I read “spend time doing what you love”. However, how do we know what we love?
I for one despised cooking and repeatedly joked about my kitchen disasters – setting fire to a tea towel, cracking an egg on a hot stove. As I wanted to eat healthier and gain more energy, I therefore started preparing all my meals from scratch. This subsequently made cooking a favourite past-time.
If you’re not sure what activities you love doing, I suggest you explore and make time to experience something unfamiliar. Before blogging, my “hobbies” centred round shopping and T.V. Today, I can list blogging, photography and fitness.
In conclusion, the art of loving your personality means putting yourself out there and becoming happy with your quirks. There’s no wrong or right.