Is it a complete cliché to say that my holiday taught me to relax?
Before leaving, I had more steam in me than a sauna. My last-minute shopping trip felt like a bustling market with me buzzing around desperate to grab what was left of the summer stock. I am not a blog-post organiser and my words tend to spur creativity when my thoughts are fresh in my mind. Barely had I time to check my blog comments; I had emails that my plane ride would not delay.
As soon as I arrived, I felt the need to keep up-to-date with the online world. Of course, my access in to Facebook was playing up, as my phone had not been logged in before with my new blog page account. I had nothing to work on. In the haze of that thought, for the first since January this year – I let go.
I hid everything – a part from my Instagram as I knew I would want to track my holiday – how many other times can I document me in Ibiza?
If you are unaware, I am a self-confessed perfectionist. I scrutinise myself like a therapist or an exam board; I can always do better and I am never quite doing enough.
As my blog has rapidly increased views and follows over the past few months, I found myself in fear that the momentum would vanish. I was somehow on a fluke and if I dare wrote the wrong thing, I would be written off in the same way that an artist can be forgotten about, once a new one recreates their song.
My vacation was a type of therapy. Not just to get away and focus on the issues of – what should we do today? And what cocktail should I buy? – But to take a pause and reevaluate. As mine and my sister’s relationship continued to grow, we had more analytical, honest conversations. Despite my belief in self-love, perhaps there is still a bug inside spewing insecurity. Perhaps I am too sensitive and leap-frog to conclusions.
Maybe I get too caught up in worrying about every other person’s perspective, without really questioning mine. Forcing me to be free and less confined, I danced in a crowd where people were standing, I covered up from head-to-toe in a club where everybody wanted to reveal skin and I took risks that I would usually shy away from.
Returning home was painful – the signs of a good trip abroad. Previously, after Miami – I entered my house and prepared to get on with my life while enthusiastically pursuing my dreams. This time, I felt lost in a blur of confusion. It was not the rain giving me window pain or the cold suffocating my body, that made me yearn to head back to the beaches and views. There was no excitement.
Despite loving my blog and appreciating what opportunities I have been given, there was no motivation to type. I figured that it was an indication that my life is not water – clearly flowing. I knew that the stress-free adventurous week would be switched with bouts of anxiety and self-made stress. It is no wonder that I wanted to bury in to hiding.
Do you ever get so comfortable with your life, that only when removed from it, you comprehend that something is missing?
In contempt of leaving my blog for 11 days, views decreased naturally. Nevertheless, it was there. All the pressure to continue to spur new ideas and posts – 11 days later and it was perfectly fine.
My mind solely keeps eye on my future, leading me to almost forget to enjoy the present. I think in order to work hard; we teach ourselves that we must perform until we are run-down and sipping lemsip tea. If we have fun now, are we actually doing what we can to laugh in the next 5 or 10 years?
The answer is yes. It is ok and in fact welcoming, to walk away and live. In theory, all we have is the present – everything else is fantasised or made up. So while I aim high and push myself to be the best that I can, Ibiza educated me on the here and now. I have to learn my limits and grasp that worry or fear, do not have to be a part of the daily struggles to make it.
In addition to taking on a relaxed approach, I have made the decision to go on a vegan diet; spending this past week editing my food choices. There are various changes that I am making and if all goes to plan, I will write an update.
Ultimately, travel is one sector of living and for the months that you are not away, experiences alongside adventures, can continue to come into play.
Have you ever gone on holiday and came back different? Do you feel that you over-worry or stress about aspects of your life?