When I first asked myself what I wanted, a little voice inside my head, begged me to grant confidence. How nice would it be, to look in a mirror and not be criticised or embarrassed.
It was all I had ever done; it was all I had ever known. The calorie-counting, juicing, starvation and excessive workouts – they had nothing to do with health. They were all linked to my mind’s mentality that I had a disgusting physique. If I did not do something drastic, I would forever look like an actor whose roles had all dried up.
After years of my diets and regimes all failing, by the end of 2015, I knew I had to take the long-road. I needed a fitness and health transformation that would stay for longer than a month. Although, it was not really about fitness and health, it was about the appearance of abs and muscles. How many people exercise to care for their body and how many eat well to show off their physique?
Well, my physique is not the ideal. I am not a ‘lifter’, which means my arms and legs are not incredibly muscly and my abs are not rock-solid. My insecurity sometimes doubts my change and asks whether I should do more. But there is a change and it is finally about me.
Nutrition and wellness are now what I think of. Have I given my body enough variety today and have I been frozen for too long? – I need a laptop attached to a running machine. My biggest accomplishment as a person is being more secure.
Your well-being is what you make it. Every reader will have a goal. It may be for some abs or it may be for a flat stomach. What I learnt through my goals, was that they needed to stop being so physical.
Many fitness lovers are rarely satisfied. They focus only on the progression until they have an image that a ‘motivating’ Instagram account would love to approve. And I am not knocking that, we all have to do what we feel is right for us.
I just got a little tired of always progressing and I wanted to just say heck – not perfect, yet good enough. I felt that I had spent hours to the dedication of my shrinking silhouette. At some point, I needed to acknowledge and enjoy that.
My transformation today continues in the sense that I am taking care of myself. I mean, yes I work out and want to do better than the last time. I always want to push myself to be the best in everything that I do.
Nevertheless, I lost the regimentation of ideals. I suppose that I am more care-free about my physical health.
It is hard in this digital age, to not follow the crowd and try to duplicate the shape of whoever is most popular. I am sure that many of us will still remember the pressure to be thin– a size zero was a size hero.
In the modelling industry, the trend lingers and I sit awkwardly between not skinny enough and neither curvaceous.
I can easily type to my readers, what physical plagues I have been dealt with. My scoliosis surgeries have made my hips un-even; my waist is legitimately short which means my wide hips do all the talking. In addition, my arms are not proportionate to my lower-half.
I could work out five hours a day and continue to specifically tell you what flaws I can find. A before-and-after transformation is so much more than a before-and-after photo.
It is about getting to a place of happiness. There is a distinction between listening to your mind telling you that you should work out and improve your nutrition because you are ugly or feel unflattering, and then listening to your mind telling you that you would like to work out and improve your nutrition, because you are unsatisfied in your present state.
Devise whether your transition is linked to the low self-esteem you have spent years building, or if it merely comes from choice. Are you exercising and eating well for the right choices?
This year, I finally do it for me. If I one day decide to aim for abs again, I know that I can take the steps to achieve that. It will not be due to pressure from anyone and it will not happen because I call myself fat or unattractive.
Progression needs to come from within. Remember however, that lighting, time, angles and photography itself, can all make a world of difference.
If you want to read about how I progressed to this stage and see my before photos, click onto my original fitness and health transformation.
Have you changed your lifestyle and do you have any tips for doing so?