It was my homely hub. I never imagined it perfect, extraordinary or what I wanted to truly own – but it was mine – and mine alone. With hesitation, I am falling out of love with blogging. I’m on a seven-year itch, and I’m on my second year.
How can creative freedom flourish in a place filled with rules, competition and time-constraints?
It started back in September. I went self-hosted, and all the views I once cherished, the comments overflowing and followers topping up – it was like I drank the blog bottle and everyone went looking for more drinks.
Was I really as good as they said – if they vanished without a trace?
We all play the game – in some ways we don’t really connect with those who don’t connect with us. It’s natural of course – I have my online friends and I feel that I’m there to support them, and not people who couldn’t care less to read my work.
Despite when people say it’s about being proud and not comparing – we’re aware of the rules. Success is such a dreary word – the connotations are so open and abstract. Is it really about gaining more followers when you’re already earning good money, or trying to gain more popularity to in turn have a sense of influence?
I always thought I knew what I wanted. I’d just somehow have this beautiful balance of sharing my creativity, finding people who felt my heart, and then ideally going on a holiday every month with a bunch of new outfits, makeup and shoes – is that not what it’s all about?
I’m tired of writing about the same things, reading the same tips and still being in the same place
How much more can I give on beauty? How many more times do I figure out how to put style on my blog, when I don’t feel like a fashionable person?
To truly remain in love with blogging – you kind of have to space yourself in a mindset to constantly want to read organisational tips. Advice on how to update your closet and the steps to get-fit – how to travel, how to eat, sleep, go out – how to make effective notes, how to gain a larger readership, how to put on makeup in the evening.
I write these tips and I’ve loved sharing them. Now suddenly there is this void and block – I don’t want to take any more guidance – I don’t want to hand it out. I’m trying to say something and get to some place – but I don’t have a single clue.
Where do I go – has the tedious task of marketing taken over my passion for producing?
Although I love reading comments and I’m eternally grateful when they are left, I don’t care as much as I did. Before, I would base my happiness over a post on reaction.
Today, I’m bulked down in pressure to keep trying to entice others. I just want to say – I don’t care. This is my work and you read it or you don’t. I’m an artist and not a promoter – though I know you need both to succeed.
There’s a bigger picture here, and it’s not a writer’s block
I think I’ve gotten older (mentally as physically) – 26 is looming and I’m taking pauses to breathe. Maybe my blog represents this bigger portrait – it’s exampling all those larger questions – am I happy with how I’m putting myself out there, me as a writer and me as a person?
Deep down I know that this is my craft and I can’t walk away, though I need some reinvention to find myself again – to say – this is me.
And to no longer be falling out of love with blogging – I have to fall back into a new angle. My goal is to feel freedom.
I want to remove the stress, anxiety and pressure – because I want blogging to be the one thing that always makes sense. It needs to be a dream and not a job. I believe that I can have both – I can love my work and love connecting with other bloggers work, have a readership and the opportunities – minus the strain.
When I feel that freedom – I’ll feel the true meaning of blog success. And in this new direction, I’ll be back in love with blogging.
Have you ever fallen out of love with blogging before or felt that you needed to go in a completely different direction?
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