My first love advice came from music. I had a karaoke machine (a microphone which connected to my TV to display lyrics) and I sang to Whitney Houston’s “Saving all my love for you”.
I loved 90’s R&B. Toni Braxton’s “Un-break my heart” and En Vogue’s “Don’t let go”.
Over the years I began to experience love – heartache, the urge to find a partner. I also gained wisdom on love as a concept.
If my mind was a playlist, it would span from Whitney’s “I have nothing” to “The greatest love of all”. This is my greatest love advice – things that my heart needs to always know.
Holding on to pain is my way of hiding behind fear
Have you ever missed someone, even though you know that you do not want this person in your life? I held on to my ex for the longest time, truly believing that I was still experiencing deep heartache.
When it dawned on me – do I actually miss him or do I just hate the idea of no longer being loved?
Although there were feelings hibernating, there was also a sense of being afraid to move on. I had a fear that no one else would compare; a fear that I would not find the same happiness. It was easier to run back and relive our good moments.
There is heartache and then there is fear – it’s important to distinguish what phase I am on.
I have to choose to love myself
“The problem is not that you don’t know how to love yourself. The problem is in acknowledging that, deep down, you may not be completely willing to do so”. – Chuck Hillig, Seeds for the Soul
My blog has become a hub for love advice – specifically self-love. It was never intentional, but my writing unbecomingly has made me realise how much I want to find myself. I generally want to be on a “eat, love, pray” exploration.
I want to be a woman who is incredibly self-assured; poised and happy in her own company. Choosing it however was a different case. As discussed in my self-love advice to my 20-year-old self, I need to stop wanting to change who I am.
I have to continually choose the love option. Which means – no more “I am not perfect” perfectionism talk.
I should not always follow you
It is a romantic’s dream to follow their heart; follow their passions. The brain gets this bad rep for being boring and logical.
Be that as it may, I can be a romantic who considers their brain. I do not need to frivolously chase what does not make sense.
And while I might want to dream that my life is like a fairytale, even fairy tales need a dose of good wisdom and reality.
Sometimes I am the problem
There is a distinction between a person not appreciating who you are and a person struggling with your flaws.
Flaws are forever changing depending on my contentment. So if I enter a relationship with doubt in where I am or who I am, that usually transfers to being ‘needy’ in a relationship.
And if I put my insecurities on a person who cannot handle it, I cannot call that person names and declare that they did not have feelings in the first place.
I have to be honest and open. Admit to where I went wrong and instead of trying to continually fix a broken glass, work on protecting a new one.
Adore life even without my future
Do you ever say – when I achieve this, I will be happy.
That is me; easily placing a heap on pressure on my future. Rather than finding a thirst for life in this moment, I put emphasis on opportunities to come.
This thought-process stops my present from being fun or meaningful. I treat my current situation as stairs – merely stepping-stones to adventure that waits.
Not to be negative – who is to say that I have much life left to live?
I hope that I open my eyes tomorrow and breathe a dose of gratitude. There is love surrounding me and it is my heart’s job to absorb it all in now – because one day there may not be a chance.
Let your heart be sad
To understand happiness, you have to experience the other side. It is loving when friends tell you to move on or end thinking about a person you dream about. It is unrealistic however.
I believe that we have to allow our emotions to be there and accept them when they first arrive.
We should work on processing as oppose to fighting.
Concludes with knowing to listen to my instincts. Take risks, fall madly and always remember my lessons.
What love advice would you give to your heart?